Fallen

This song melts my heart

A Sad But Beautiful Song


"I'm coming out of my cage
And Ive been doing just fine
Gotta gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now Im falling asleep
And shes calling a cab
While hes having a smoke
And shes taking a drag
Now theyre going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And its all in my head
But shes touching his chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go

I just cant look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But its just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
Cause Im Mr Brightside

Im coming out of my cage
And Ive been doing just fine
Gotta gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now Im falling asleep
And shes calling a cab
While hes having a smoke
And shes taking a drag
Now theyre going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And its all in my head
But shes touching his�chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go

I just cant look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibi
But its just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
Cause Im Mr Brightside

I never...
I never...
I never... "
Fallen

(no subject)

i feel discusting,
when i see my self i want to die,
i get bigger by the day.
obesse stupid bitch ....thats me !

and i feel even worse,as i applyed for a group on LJ (thinspire) and they declined me, guess they saw my pics and thought i was too fat to join. !

nice....

the little sliver is looking better by the second,
...i need to stay away tho....
Fallen

2008 books i have read

Annie on my mind - nancy garden
humble pie - gordon ramsay
st trinians
the most evil murderers - collin & damon wilson
memoirs of a geisha - arther golden
shanghai baby - wei hui
the devil wears prada - lauren weisberger
calender girl -tricia stewart
not the end of the world - kate atkinson
21 years gone - jack osbourne
mary,bloody mary - carolyn meyer
pop goes the weasel - james patterson
one for the money - janet evanovich
the road to nab end - william woodruff
toast - nigel slater
operating instructions - lamott
chicken soup for the unsinkable soul -
lucia,lucia - adriana trigiani
roses are red - james paterson
vagabonds - josephine cox
pompeii - robert harris
rubicon - tome holland
the book theif - markus zusak
trace - patricia cornwell
crossing over - john edwards
my sisters keeper - jodi picoult
the book of lost things - john connolly
blindsighter - karin slaughter
the lost art of keeping secrets - eva rice
wow! - claudia pattison
this time next week - leslie thomas
shrine - james herbert
chicken soup for the soul
all that glitters - pearl lowe
how i live now - meg rosoff
fun house - alison bechdel
counting stars - david almond
sorceress
city of shaddows
witch child
the bailey game - celia rees
shy boy -monty roberts
angelas ashes - frank mccourt
behind the scenes at the museum - kate atkinson
before i die - jenny downham
pandoras box - giselle green
broken sunrise
harpe pipe & symphony
oranges are the lony fruit - jeanette winterson
wuthering heights - emily bronte
chocolate - joanne harris
the lost boy
a man called dave
a child called it - dave peizer
dance on my grave
the well of loneliness
woman walks into a bar - rowan coleman
Fallen

oh my life !

friging hell, my mind is running mad !! 
just recieved a letter saying
you have been successful for a property  the property is ** ** *** coventry
contact them before 10.00am tomorro to speak about your interet in this property. ! oh my fuckin days!!!!!!!!!!!
im doing fine living with other people, but can i take on my own place ???
  • Current Mood
    shocked shocked
Fallen

Beautiful


You tell me iam beautiful, its not that i dont believe you think that,
its just i cant see why or how,you can see beauty in
me.
Fallen

(no subject)

To look in the mirror and feel disgust
To see someone looking and wonder why, then want to crawl away and hide forever

Having to look at myself everyday is torcher, to be in the shower naked and look at body, and think,this is mine, this discusting mess,this lump,this fat...this is me.

And to think i leave the house somedays thinking "i look ok today" then catch a glimpce of myself, thats the thing that upsets me the most,that makes me feel most sick, to be so deluded, i think to myself, why do i leave the house ? and cause myself that much humiliation? 

I have a problem with my weight yet i cant seem to do anything about it, i used to be able to stop eating, now i just think fuck it and eat, or say to myself, ill eat this then wont eat anything else all day, then end up eating something else, its fucking descusting,
just thinking about myself makes me feel ill.

i need to stop being sick, its starting to hurt, but as the tears roll down my face i cant help feel satisfaction - i need to stop they will notice.
  • Current Mood
    sick sick
Fallen

Writer's Block: Work Clothes

Remember the bodysuit? Fashion designer Donna Karan, who changed the way career women dressed in the 1980s, turns 60 today. Office dress codes have relaxed since then, but every workplace has its own rules. What passes for appropriate where you work? Is there anything you can't wear to work?
For work im only allowed to wear a white shirt and black trousers and black shoes. id like to where a tie, but dont think im allowed lol ....to gay HAHA
Fallen

Sack of crap, (save urself the trouble dont read)


Dont sit there and moan about how much you hate work,just dont you dare, soon as i mention work you both go mad at me telling me if its such a trouble look for another job blah blah blah,lazy this lazy that! FUCK OFF!,i get a 10min beak every 7 hours( i work bout 9-10 hours)!!! you get 2 half hour breaks and you only do what ? 6 hours  ? if that!!!!!
yeah yeah i heard you whisper go back to the doctors ask for more happy pills. yet if i said to you im feeling low or depressed its always been the fucking same nah im too young ive not lived yet i dont no what depressed is, i dont no what tyerd is, ....i work more hours than both my mum and dad, i have been suffering with depression since i was 12, i have been cutting since i was 14 i have been suffering with eating problems since i was 14 ...and your telling me i dont no what depression is or feeling tyerd! i tell u something i have lived and experienced more than you will EVER EVER know!.
 

work is shit, bloody shit.
i think im done ranting for now, might edit this if i think of some more rants :) x


 


I made such a mistake going to college and studying beauty thearpy and make-up  i wasted so much time, why was i so stupid i could have study something like i.t or english or maths, yeh id have hated it but it would get me such a better job, jesus iam blind!

atm iam in such a low mental state its unreal, i can sit and stare and to me it feels like 2 seconds and i look at the clock and its been a hour, i no im slipping again, its been 3 weeks since i cut last so im doing ok, but im fighting the wanting to puke urge, i just have to look in the mirror and i want to stab myself or something,,,, fuckin descusting.

pink day for breast cancer on halloween at work,quiet lookin forward to it however im going to wear sum black trousers not gunna be all pink,,,it makes u look fat, and i cnt afford to do that as i already look the size of too buses.
  • Current Mood
    crappy crappy
Fallen

(no subject)

i took those pictures to post, i was so pleased with them, and i deleted them by accident, pictures of you having fun at my house, doing something, ... i never do anyting, never go out like everyone else, never to anything that girls do at my age, look at amys pictures, at clubs drinking having run, driving, endless friends.
i dont do anything :( those pictures to me alost proved to myself that yeah actually i do have fun,
but oh no i had to fuck it up and delete them, tosser.
  • Current Mood
    angry angry