vintagerouge08

This song melts my heart

2009-07-31T01:02:45Z

A Sad But Beautiful Song

"I'm coming out of my cage
And Ive been doing just fine
Gotta gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now Im falling asleep
And shes calling a cab
While hes having a smoke
And shes taking a drag
Now theyre going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And its all in my head
But shes touching his chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go

I just cant look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But its just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
Cause Im Mr Brightside

Im coming out of my cage
And Ive been doing just fine
Gotta gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now Im falling asleep
And shes calling a cab
While hes having a smoke
And shes taking a drag
Now theyre going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And its all in my head
But shes touching his�chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go

I just cant look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibi
But its just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
Cause Im Mr Brightside

I never...
I never...
I never... "

vintagerouge08 @ 2008-10-15T22:10:00

2008-10-15T21:13:02Z

i feel discusting,
when i see my self i want to die,
i get bigger by the day.
obesse stupid bitch ....thats me !

and i feel even worse,as i applyed for a group on LJ (thinspire) and they declined me, guess they saw my pics and thought i was too fat to join. !

nice....

the little sliver is looking better by the second,
...i need to stay away tho....

2008 books i have read

2008-10-12T22:54:17Z

Annie on my mind - nancy garden
humble pie - gordon ramsay
st trinians
the most evil murderers - collin & damon wilson
memoirs of a geisha - arther golden
shanghai baby - wei hui
the devil wears prada - lauren weisberger
calender girl -tricia stewart
not the end of the world - kate atkinson
21 years gone - jack osbourne
mary,bloody mary - carolyn meyer
pop goes the weasel - james patterson
one for the money - janet evanovich
the road to nab end - william woodruff
toast - nigel slater
operating instructions - lamott
chicken soup for the unsinkable soul -
lucia,lucia - adriana trigiani
roses are red - james paterson
vagabonds - josephine cox
pompeii - robert harris
rubicon - tome holland
the book theif - markus zusak
trace - patricia cornwell
crossing over - john edwards
my sisters keeper - jodi picoult
the book of lost things - john connolly
blindsighter - karin slaughter
the lost art of keeping secrets - eva rice
wow! - claudia pattison
this time next week - leslie thomas
shrine - james herbert
chicken soup for the soul
all that glitters - pearl lowe
how i live now - meg rosoff
fun house - alison bechdel
counting stars - david almond
sorceress
city of shaddows
witch child
the bailey game - celia rees
shy boy -monty roberts
angelas ashes - frank mccourt
behind the scenes at the museum - kate atkinson
before i die - jenny downham
pandoras box - giselle green
broken sunrise
harpe pipe & symphony
oranges are the lony fruit - jeanette winterson
wuthering heights - emily bronte
chocolate - joanne harris
the lost boy
a man called dave
a child called it - dave peizer
dance on my grave
the well of loneliness
woman walks into a bar - rowan coleman

oh my life !

2008-10-09T10:48:26Z

friging hell, my mind is running mad !!
just recieved a letter saying
you have been successful for a property the property is ** ** *** coventry
contact them before 10.00am tomorro to speak about your interet in this property. ! oh my fuckin days!!!!!!!!!!!
im doing fine living with other people, but can i take on my own place ???

Writer's Block: Eat Your Vegetables

2008-10-06T22:11:31Z

The fall harvest is showing up in markets now, including many of the green vegetables children find so disgusting and yet are forced to eat. What is the most disgusting thing you’ve eaten, either by choice or against your will?

Submitted By bloodcurdling

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Peas with-out gravy......bloody criminal !!!!
*yack*

Beautiful

2008-10-06T22:07:32Z

You tell me iam beautiful, its not that i dont believe you think that,
its just i cant see why or how,you can see beauty in me.

vintagerouge08 @ 2008-10-06T22:52:00

2008-10-06T22:01:05Z

To look in the mirror and feel disgust
To see someone looking and wonder why, then want to crawl away and hide forever

Having to look at myself everyday is torcher, to be in the shower naked and look at body, and think,this is mine, this discusting mess,this lump,this fat...this is me.

And to think i leave the house somedays thinking "i look ok today" then catch a glimpce of myself, thats the thing that upsets me the most,that makes me feel most sick, to be so deluded, i think to myself, why do i leave the house ? and cause myself that much humiliation?

I have a problem with my weight yet i cant seem to do anything about it, i used to be able to stop eating, now i just think fuck it and eat, or say to myself, ill eat this then wont eat anything else all day, then end up eating something else, its fucking descusting,
just thinking about myself makes me feel ill.

i need to stop being sick, its starting to hurt, but as the tears roll down my face i cant help feel satisfaction - i need to stop they will notice.

Writer's Block: Work Clothes

2008-10-02T21:28:38Z

Remember the bodysuit? Fashion designer Donna Karan, who changed the way career women dressed in the 1980s, turns 60 today. Office dress codes have relaxed since then, but every workplace has its own rules. What passes for appropriate where you work? Is there anything you can't wear to work?

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For work im only allowed to wear a white shirt and black trousers and black shoes. id like to where a tie, but dont think im allowed lol ....to gay HAHA

Sack of crap, (save urself the trouble dont read)

2008-10-02T21:26:29Z

Dont sit there and moan about how much you hate work,just dont you dare, soon as i mention work you both go mad at me telling me if its such a trouble look for another job blah blah blah,lazy this lazy that! FUCK OFF!,i get a 10min beak every 7 hours( i work bout 9-10 hours)!!! you get 2 half hour breaks and you only do what ? 6 hours ? if that!!!!!
yeah yeah i heard you whisper go back to the doctors ask for more happy pills. yet if i said to you im feeling low or depressed its always been the fucking same nah im too young ive not lived yet i dont no what depressed is, i dont no what tyerd is, ....i work more hours than both my mum and dad, i have been suffering with depression since i was 12, i have been cutting since i was 14 i have been suffering with eating problems since i was 14 ...and your telling me i dont no what depression is or feeling tyerd! i tell u something i have lived and experienced more than you will EVER EVER know!.

work is shit, bloody shit.
i think im done ranting for now, might edit this if i think of some more rants :) x

I made such a mistake going to college and studying beauty thearpy and make-up i wasted so much time, why was i so stupid i could have study something like i.t or english or maths, yeh id have hated it but it would get me such a better job, jesus iam blind!

atm iam in such a low mental state its unreal, i can sit and stare and to me it feels like 2 seconds and i look at the clock and its been a hour, i no im slipping again, its been 3 weeks since i cut last so im doing ok, but im fighting the wanting to puke urge, i just have to look in the mirror and i want to stab myself or something,,,, fuckin descusting.

pink day for breast cancer on halloween at work,quiet lookin forward to it however im going to wear sum black trousers not gunna be all pink,,,it makes u look fat, and i cnt afford to do that as i already look the size of too buses.

vintagerouge08 @ 2008-09-29T22:46:00

2008-09-29T21:48:24Z

i took those pictures to post, i was so pleased with them, and i deleted them by accident, pictures of you having fun at my house, doing something, ... i never do anyting, never go out like everyone else, never to anything that girls do at my age, look at amys pictures, at clubs drinking having run, driving, endless friends.
i dont do anything :( those pictures to me alost proved to myself that yeah actually i do have fun,
but oh no i had to fuck it up and delete them, tosser.

ok so yet again it turns in to a sob story,dont read, save yourself the boardom

2008-09-29T21:21:46Z

Finished my Celia Ree's book last night (The Bailey Game) started reading "Dance On My Grave" by Aidan Chambers, its a bit hard going but im gunna push myself to read it (as its a gay book lol)

its just been me and natilie at work today oh my life she is driving me insane,and she kinda repluses me!

Ok Cd Steve is starting to scare me, like back off mate! ...gosh,

Ebay is evil - Ebay = addiction

Got most of my xmas shopping done now i think just godda tie up the loose ends....eg get the little bits n bobs in.

Why when i saw im going out on saturday do people presume its means saturday lash up, all i ment is in the day for a shop, just because of my age doesnt mean im like everyone else, i never have been, and i guess i never will be.

Brought a book the other day about self harm and bulimia and anorexia, quiet looking forward to reading it after the current book.

Ive managed so far to stay away from the little silver,how ever the other thing iam battling with,really want to but i guess i cnt bring myself to do it again,i guess thats why ill always be obesse.

I think i like buying and stealing things because it makes me feel better, for those few seconds im not thinking about my weight or having to concider how fat i look.

I DREAD! clothes shopping, ( which i need to do ) just to have to look at myself in the mirror trying on the size of clothes i think iam then realisesing i need bout 3x up the size.
and no dad i dont want to shop at evens!, i want to shop at top shop, H&M, New look, Primark, places where eveyone else shops, i want to be cool and look sexy and cute and kitsch. but i cant coz of this stupid body iam trapped in, i swear to god i wish i cud just take a knife and cut it all off!
it seems to me that im eating the same as everyone else yet iam still gainging weight! iam doing regular exersise yet still gaining!!!....
i dont understand.
when i realise this process is happening it makes me drepressed and therefore i eat.
however i can be happy and still eat.
board and still eat
full and still think about what ill eat tomorro
wake up and think what ill have for dinner
i think i need help

Smith Magenis Syndrome

2008-09-29T21:00:48Z

Most children with Smith-Magenis syndrome have a broad, square-shaped face with deep-set eyes, full cheeks, and a prominent lower jaw. The middle of the face and the bridge of the nose often appear flattened. The mouth tends to turn downward with a full, outward-curving upper lip. These facial differences can be subtle in early childhood, but they typically become coarser and more distinctive in later childhood and adulthood.

Disrupted sleep patterns are characteristic of Smith-Magenis syndrome, typically beginning early in life. Affected people may be very sleepy during the day, but have trouble falling asleep and awaken several times each night, due to an inverted circadian rhythm of melatonin.

People with Smith-Magenis syndrome have engaging personalities, but most also have behavioral problems. These include frequent temper tantrums and outbursts, aggression, anxiety, impulsiveness, and difficulty paying attention. Self-injury, including biting, hitting, head banging, and skin picking, is very common. Repetitive self-hugging is a behavioral trait that may be unique to Smith-Magenis syndrome. People with this condition may also compulsively lick their fingers and flip pages of books and magazines (a behavior known as "lick and flip"), as well as possessing an impressive ability to recall a wide range of small details about people or subject-specific trivia.

Other symptoms the syndrome can include short stature, abnormal curvature of the spine (scoliosis), reduced sensitivity to pain and temperature,and a hoarse voice. Some people with this disorder have ear abnormalities that lead to hearing loss. Affected individuals may have eye abnormalities that cause nearsightedness (myopia), strabismus, and other problems with vision. Heart and kidney defects also have been reported in people with Smith-Magenis syndrome, though they are less common

Writer's Block: Google Founded

2008-09-07T22:15:08Z

Ten years ago today, Google was founded. In that time, how has Google changed your life, and do you ever go out of your way to avoid its omnipresent power?

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Ive just sat and thought about this and i really take Google for granted,
i remeber when there was no Google and you used to have to trall through loads on the net
ALSO that was the days when parental guard hadnt been invented haha

I dont understand.

2008-09-07T22:12:10Z

When i see myself i feel discusted.
It hurts in my heart and body when i catch my reflection.
Everything i dont want, i see when i look at myself
Inside i feel a piece of me die when i catch a glimpce
I cant understand how someone could love this thing
Im glad there is a someone for me
I just dont understand.

vintagerouge08 @ 2008-08-28T22:47:00

2008-08-28T21:57:26Z

It was nice to talk to you again,we had alot of good times together when we were best friends, and alot of memorys, we have both changed alot now,its nice to no u kept some stuff, id like us to be friends again,but i dont want to have fear in my heart again that you and the others will betray me and hurt me again.apart of me really desperatly wants to be friends with you all again,but the other part is telling me to leave it alone,its took me so long to mend my life i dont want to have it broken up again because of some people playing a sick joke.
maybe im reading to much into this and they only want to settle things out,
i dunno, im scared i guess.
i like that u remeber our memorys. in a friend way only.

Writer's Block: Spirits

2008-08-28T21:40:00Z

Do you believe in ghosts? Have you ever encountered one?

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Errm it scares me sometime to think that they do exsist,however id like to think there is something more after death, i have encounted a few spooky moments, but to be honest all of them could be justifyed by something more logical.

Writer's Block: The Meaning of Love

2008-08-25T22:10:58Z

What does love mean to you, and why? Have you always felt this way?

Submitted By rynanne

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To me love is the reason i wake up somedays,
I believe the world needs love to keep people sain,
No matter how shit your feeling,no matter how much u wanna give up, if you have love present, it can save you.
Love comes in different ways and styles ( like clothes hehe) and i think everyone has love in some way in there life.

drab

2008-08-25T22:07:35Z

Not to sound to drab but i think i qulify for the medal " the boaring-est life EVER"
WOO ! go me !

Writer's Block: Your Favorite Series: One Last Go Round

2008-08-21T22:27:12Z

If you could pick any TV show that has been off the air to come back for one more season, which show would you pick and why?

Submitted By idle_kid_city

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It would have to be one off Cartoon Network back in the 80's-90's :D hehe
Errm Cow & Chicken,Cat Dog,Iam Wesel IR Babboon,Ed Ed and Eddy,Dextors Lab,Hey Arnold,
Sabrina The Teenage Witch,Jonny Bravo,Captin Cave Man,Hair Bear Bunch,PowerPuff Girls,Ren & StimpyWacky Races...
Ok this could go on for a long time but you chatch my drift, any of the old GOOD stuff !

Backkkk

2008-08-21T22:18:46Z

Back from work ....AGAIN.
-Finished my wag book today before work it was really gooooood :) going to read "The Well Of Loneliness" now and finish my "Worlds Worst Killers" book off.
-Rang virgin today to give them my pac code so i will be able to use my new phone on tuesday :) *fingers crossed*
-Had my name changed on the tills today so it now says my name on the bottem of recipts , instead of Emily Flower (ex employee)
-Jo's last day today didnt no well sad,but VERY happy for her and VERY jelous shes doing around the world tour 6 and half months,! i would LOVE to do that so much !!!
-Spoke to Linda at work about handing in my sick note she was really nice about it,iam quiet shocked! lol
-Went driving before work for about a hour and a half,wore me out, i dont no wats wrong with me i used to be really good,i think it must just be the car and getting used to it, hopefully ill get to do abit more tomorro.
Really need to book some lesson's in, im just scared ill get used to that car and not mine,then have to learn all over again in my car :(
-Keep dreaming about the tattoo convention,maybe its a sign lol, found loads of designs i like, but dad will actually kill me if i get anymore,oh well what he dosent no cant hurt him!
-Heard a fraze today on This Morning, " Expect for the worst,when it comes yours prepared,and if it doesnt come then your more happy beacause you expected it to be bad!" (hope that makes scence, it does in my head)
_*Makes mental note* Ring Doctors After Two Tomorro*_
-Got hair dresses tomorro,going for a trim and to have my purple hair extentions back in, woot, trying to get back to how i used to be,kinda lost my self somewhere along the way.:(
-Over the moon just found the song of the film "ShortBus" the lovely lovely one by the blovely lovely man its called "Soda Shop" and his name is Jay Brannon....proper good :)
-Just realised i talk utter bollox on my blogs, hey-ho, nobody has to read them, just empting my head! lol
Okie Pokie better get some dinner its getting on abit, x x x

Just Got Back...

2008-08-20T21:30:42Z

Just got back from work .. feet are killing me!!
jamie was late again today for work , and got away with it...somehow...i like him...theres something about him <3 Watching Ghost Whisperer at the min, scaring the crap out of me.... love it !
just had some yummie creamy mash and gravy...just trying to work out how fatning it might be,just saw some pictures of me last year on facebook and i look really silm, im gunna try to get bk like it. HATE being fat. its shit
WHY! cant i be one of those girls that can eat for England and still weigh 7st!
just worked out why my alarm on my sexy new phone isnt working, its because ive set the time on it to 22.23am...when its actually 22.33pm....ooobbviously! derrrrrrrrrrrr!!!
Dont think ive made any mistakes today at work, woot ! only workin 3 hours tomorro, i think its coz they feel sorry for me coz ive been doing extra hours, anyway im not going to grumble!
just found out its manchester pride this weekend so gutted i thought it was the 30th 31st! so now i cant go coz i sort of the green stuff (thats money not bud! lol)
some people really really piss you off! not naming no names but dear god i need to get it off my chest ! YOU ARE STUPID AND YOU DO NOT!!!! look like a girl im sorry i no thats harsh but no matter how much u flirt with me i CANT! help you look any more womanly!!!!! your a fuckin man!! .............. im not a bitch i promice

right im gunna be off gunna go read some wags diary nearly done,,, its really good (shhh!)
bye xoxoxox

First Blogg

2008-08-18T21:24:25Z

Not really sure how to start my first blogg seeing has the most singel boring life....ever!
so today i got up at 8.00, fell out with myself as to what to do with my hair then deiced to wash it,
had brekkie and then went to work. iam a waitress and bar maid at Brinsley Lodge
not the best job in the world i no!
errm came home at 4 had dinner and tbh thats it ! ...see i wasnt lying when i said about me being boring, and i tell you now it doesnt get much better!

so looking forward to the coventry tattoo convention at the end of the month,got so many ideas for more tattoos, i think i might get shot by my mum n dad if i get any more, i thought getting my 5th tattoo and getting my nipple pirced would do it, but iam still alive!!!

just painted my nails orange,give the punters at work something to brighten there day up, gunna go up to bed soon to read some more of my book (wags diary) got in free in glamour its not normally my choice of book however its really good very embarest to admit that,but it just is.

Iam seriously in lack of sleep and iam afraid i might drop off at work,i cant remeber the last time i had a lie in, damn you work free people!!!

anyway im going to bed, night night x x x